


Inquisitor Uthvir

by Feynite, Little_Lotte



Series: Sharp and Shiny [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age Inquisition, Looking Glass, Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:14:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feynite/pseuds/Feynite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Lotte/pseuds/Little_Lotte
Summary: As the name implies, this is our RP version of the Inquisitor Uthvir AU. This is (probably) only going to have a single chapter, but it serves as a base for a few of the shorts I have done on Tumblr, so I figured it was worth posting. For reference. And fluff. <3 ...and smut...





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one was written in chat because it is quite old, so there are times when it devolves into talking, bear with us. ^_^;;

L: (OMG Aili with Inquisitor Uthvir. Everyone would just start turning to her to run interference with them like, "Please ask the Inquisitor not to stab people when we are having diplomatic talks.")

Uthvir: Why not? Josephine told me to try and end the discussion as quickly as possible. I did. And anyway, who cares about this silly stuffed-shirt 'humans'?

F: (Poor Aili would have SO MUCH WORK... >.>)

F: (Meanwhile Uthvir keeps doing nice things for her clan and giving her halla and shit.)

L: (...is Solas still around for Inquisitor Uthvir?)

F: (Yup! Still around and *deeply* uncomfortable.)

L: (LOL WELL, THAT WOULD JUST GET WEIRD FOR EVERYONE.)

F: (SOOO MUCH HILARITY. SO MUCH. XD)

Uthvir: *almost immediately* We should have sex.

Solas: *also almost immediately* <3 <3 <3 ...oh no.

Aili: ...???

Uthvir and Solas: *hissing and spitting at one another like angry cats full of secrets*

L: (It...is hard for me to really say who would win out? Like...Solas is kind and respectful and would nerd about things with her, but he also is trying to hold himself back from any sort of attachment, physical or otherwise. But Uthvir, while sort of a dick, is very straightforward with their intentions and would be all, "Let me teach you to fight with these other things!" which she would also really be excited for.)

L: (Basically...a hot mess.)

F: (Totally. Plus, Solas would be like 'if she can find happiness with someone else... nO NOT UTHVIR DAMMIT' and Uthvir would be like 'game on baldy, I have no qualms about asking her to go to my rooms with me after we kill everyone in the winter palace'.)

Aili: *sighs tiredly, and looks like what she is about to say causes her great pain* Maybe...maybe don't kill /everyone/ in the winter palace?

Uthvir: ...What, like the elven servants can live? I suppose that's reasonable. They aren't my targets anyway.

Aili: ...who is going to run this country while we try to find Corypheus?

Uthvir: I was thinking we could let human civilization go to pieces and permit the elven people to rise up again.

Aili: ...but just wiping out the nobles at Halamshiral sort of...plays into Corypheus' plans doesn't it?

Uthvir: Yes, but even though Corypheus is our enemy, that doesn't mean we have to oppose him in all things. The problem was the demon army. The demon army is gone. Ergo, Orlais can hang.

Aili: And what about Tevinter?

Uthvir: What about Tevinter? I am supposed to be perturbed by that writhing snake pit?

Aili: I was sort of under the impression that Corypheus wanted the South to fall so it could be reclaimed by Tevinter? Isn't that sort of his end game? Tenvinter rules everything again and he gets to be a god? If we let the South fall to complete chaos, Tevinter would be able to step in and take over long before the elves are organized enough to take control of anything.

Uthvir: Well certainly, if we just stand around and let nature take its course. But Tevinter is full of idiots who don't even understand half the magic they're using. A little meddling here, some well-placed sabotage there, and they'll all be addled with plague and susceptible to slave rebellions left and right.

Uthvir: Or, or! We let Tevinter spread itself too thin, then entice the qunari to invade. That could be very interesting!

Aili: -_- It sounds like /we're/ the ones who'd be spread too thin.

Aili: Not all humans are terrible, you know. I mean, yes, the elves should have a kingdom again, I am here for that. But...we should probably focus on getting rid of the crazy person trying to tear open the sky. Plus, you'll never get Josie and Leliana to go along with half of this. Maybe...maybe we can strong arm Orlais into accepting elves into a few key positions of power? Ambassadors to the Inquisition or something? And when we defeat Corypheus, we'll be in a position to ask for anything we want. Big heroes and all that. *she shrugs*

Uthvir: *shrugs* Well if you think so. I just thought it would be nice to completely eradicate their power structures and leave them suffering and vulnerable, and I don't much care which festering pustule of a nation they claim for themselves. I suppose Corypheus is the priority, though. And pissing him off should be fun.

Aili: *pats their shoulder* Baby steps.

Uthvir: *leans a little closer* I suppose if we aren't going to spend the evening murdering Orlesians, we could have more time for other things. Like dancing. Or having lots of sex.

Aili: *she laughs* I'm not very good at either of those things.

Uthvir: *smirks* Practice makes perfect?

Aili: *she nods* Solas has been trying to show me how to waltz. It...um. Well. He's started wearing boots when we practice.

Uthvir: Well, if Solas has claimed dance lessons, I suppose that leaves the other task to me.

Aili: *blinks* Why would I need to be good at sex to go to a party?

Uthvir: Have you been to many parties? *raises an eyebrow*

Aili: Yes! Well...Dalish ones. Sometimes they get pretty rowdy, but no one's going to give you the stink eye if you don't wander off into the bushes with someone.

Uthvir: Better safe than sorry, I think. Wouldn't you rather err on the side of caution? These are Orlesians, after all. And you said I couldn't kill them.

Aili: *makes a face* So, we're having sex with them instead?

Uthvir: It's a possibility. Besides, it's good to be talented at sex in general. You never know when it will come in handy. Or ease an awful situation or two.

Aili: I'm a mage, not a bard! I'm not a spy, or even a diplomat. I'm a stray Dalish woman you coerced into joining this madhouse, and if an Orlesian wanted to have sex with me it would likely be in some misguided attempt to get at you, and largely unpleasant for everyone involved.

Uthvir: ...You realize you are very beautiful, correct? And that if we are not killing the Orlesians, then they are going to think themselves in charge. In all likelihood they will proposition you. Of course, they are not in charge, so you can refuse them if you like. But you might find one or two pleasing enough to the eye. Some humans are. And regardless, this conversation primarily exists because *I* want to have sex with you.

Aili: *face turns completely red. Sits down heavily in a nearby chair with a dazed expression on her face.* ...oh.

Uthvir: You really are exceedingly beautiful, you know. Especially the... *gestures towards all of her*

Aili: *gets up and scuttles towards the door, trying to act nonchalant and totally failing. Pauses just before she leaves* T-thank you. *hastily goes out the door and closes it behind her* ...*opens the door and sticks her head back in* Y-you're...very b-beautiful, too. *door closes and the sound of running*

Uthvir: *is deeply confused as to why that merited fleeing. Considers, then decides to just sneak into her room and meet her there.*

L: (oooh, I just realized another thing. In my HC the Dalish have a dowry tradition where you give useful things, not just to your prospective sweetheart, but to their family, too, to prove you are capable of taking care of them. So, once Uthvir told her about their interest in bedding her she would probably just sit there, mulling things over, realize they have been sending an awful lot of stuff to her clan and just be like...."O_O They...want to MARRY me?!")

F: (OMG - that is /hilarious/. Uthvir would probably just be like 'hmm, marriage? ...Okay, sure, why not. Yes, I have been proposing to you. Not as if I'm likely to find better spouse material around here anyway.' Obviously for purely practical reasons, you see. Not at all because they really like her or anything.)

L: (OMG. WOW. Um...well, I guess Uthvir would beat out Solas then. Because she technically WAS expecting to get married to someone else in her clan for political reasons, and the thought process would be like, "Well...they are always pretty nice to me. And they want to help elves! And it would be very good for my clan. And...they are pretty hot, even though they like stabbing things a little too much. Okay...I guess.")

F: (O_O ...DID UTHVIR AND AILI JUST GET *ENGAGED*?!)

F: (I SWEAR THEY JUST - *gestures*)

L: (That was the most awkwardly backhanded way to trip into that. XD) 

* * *

 

L: (Dalish Aili was prepping to be a Keeper and is therefore used to corralling unruly kids. These unruly kids are just pointier than most. :P)

F: (Uthvir would like it to be noted that ALL the clan children listen to them. Usually very attentively.)

L: (They tend to swarm around Aili like bumblebees. ^^;)

F: (Uthvir would probably get silent obedience that would seem like maybe the kids were intimidated but then it would turn out most of them just thought they looked really neat.)

L: (Yes, that is 100% accurate. And with Aili there they'd all sort of buzz around near them and eventually Aili would prod one of the kids into bringing them a flower crown...)

F: (And Uthvir would be like 'no' and snap their jaws and pretend like they were gonna bite the kid, who would probably just giggle because really, Uthvir, Aili has vouched for you; they know you won't maul them. And the child would persist and probably Uthvir would look at Aili like 'it didn't work what do I do?!?')

L: (Aili would already have a flower crown and have three different kids hanging off her while a fourth braided her hair and she'd just smile over at them and make an 'Oh, go on!' gesture with her hand.)

F: (Once one kid got a flower crown on them, that'd be it; all of them would want to be-flower Uthvir. Their hair. Various spiky bits of their armour. Big ones for their neck, too. Somehow they'd end up with one of the littler ones in their lap, sucking their thumb and staring at Uthvir.)

L: (Omg...that is so cute. They would have the most befuddled expression on their face. 'What do I do with this? They're all so...squishy.')

Uthvir: Aili. Aili come fetch this thing. I will break it, probably. It keeps reaching its hands up at me. Why is it doing that??

Aili: *giggles* Aw, I think she wants to give you a kiss! She likes you!

Uthvir: Why would she want to kiss me? *stares at child in bafflement. Child, being Dalish, gets tired of waiting for Uthvir to catch a clue and starts climbing up them to get her kiss, which she smacks pointedly onto their cheek*

Aili: *laughs in delight* It looks like I might have some competition for your affections.

Uthvir: *looking intently at tiny Dalish baby* What was that for? *Just gets another kiss, followed by manic giggling before the kid clambers out of their lap and runs away*

Aili: *scoops up the kid as she runs back over to her, and laughs* I told you, she /likes/ you! *starts bouncing the kid on her hip and singing a silly song about rabbits*

Uthvir: *watching, slightly mesmerized, before they begin removing the foliage from their person.*

Aili: *glances over at them and pouts a little* Aw, but you looked so pretty! *little kid wraps their arms around her neck and she makes a big show of planting big loud kisses on her cheeks that make a 'Mwaa!' sound, and the kid starts squealing happily and wiggling in her arms.

Uthvir: *They hesitate, a moment, and then move and start piling the flowers on Aili and the child. A few of the other kids giggle and point at them for some reason.*

Aili: *laughs* Am I not bedecked enough as it is?

Uthvir: Not nearly enough. Fields of flowers, but they all wilt in comparison to your beauty.

Aili: *blushes a bit and leans over and kisses their cheek. Several of the kids cheer, a few make retching noises, one or two look sorely disappointed.*

Uthvir: I am terribly sorry, children, but I think I am going to have to steal your First away for myself. *They sweep Aili up, lifting her in a rain of flower petals, and planting a sound kiss on her lips; the reactions from the children continue apace*

Aili: *blushing and trying to look stern, but not doing a very good job of it.* You are /incorrigible/! There are /children/ present!

Uthvir: That is why I am stealing you, of course, and not simply... well. I suppose I should not say, where little ears might hear it. *They move to take a step, and find that one of the children has latched onto their leg*

Aili: *looks down at the child and then back up at Uthvir. Smirks.*  Oh no, da’len! The Dread Wolf is trying to spirit me away! *wiggles in their grip* Are there any brave hunters here who will save me? *the children all begin shouting war cries and rushing Uthvir*

Uthvir: *Startles, at first; but then smirks, and slings Aili over their shoulder. They dislodge the child clinging to them, and deftly begin to weave away from the others, dodging would-be tackles and outpacing tiny legs.*

Aili: *Makes a startled 'oof' sound at the sudden shift in positions, but starts laughing soon afterwards, calling out suggestions and cheering the children on. Squawks in alarm when Uthvir moves their hands so that one of them is firmly planted on her backside. She swats their shoulder.* Hey!

 Uthvir: I merely require a better grip! *They give her a pointed squeeze, and laugh when she smacks at their armour again. Some of the older children make faces and shake their heads, giving up the chase; but the younger ones linger until their parents begin calling them back towards the aravels.*

 Aili: *sags a little against them at the end of the game. Sighs in feigned disappointment.* Traitors, the lot of them.

 Uthvir: I do not suppose it is terribly loyal of them to leave you in my fiendish clutches. *They emphasize 'clutches' with another pointed squeeze, before putting her back on her feet, and stealing a victory kiss for themselves.*

Aili: *hums into the kiss, then turns to watch a few of the smaller children trailing back towards the large ring of aravels and their waiting parents, a few of them still pretending to be hunters and chasing each other and half of them still covered in flowers. She heaves a little sigh, smiling wistfully, eyes soft.* I want one.

 Uthvir: *They still, and consider this assertion.* A child? *Their gaze follows the direction of hers, towards the little figures half-playing their way back to the safety of the clan. They had not considered procreating... ever, really. But then, they have had to reconsider many assumptions about their life recently*

Aili: *She grins at them, amused* Well, I certainly wasn't suggesting we drag an aravel back to Skyhold.

Uthvir: That would probably be less ambitious, in the long run. *They sweep their arms around her, drawing in a deep breath as they take in the look on her face.* Are we idly musing over the future, here, or having a serious discussion now?

Aili: *she laughs, cupping their face in her hands and smiling at them fondly* Believe it or not, people have been raising children with at least some degree of success for thousands of years. I fail to see why we would be any worse at it than any of them. *her expression shifts into something a little more serious* I was largely airing a thought, but if you feel differently... It would be good to know.

 Uthvir: I... had not ever thought I would have the opportunity for children, I must admit. I suppose it is something I could give more consideration to, though. *They look her over again. The idea of putting a child in her, now that is not a bad one at all. In fact, they feel a warm stirring at the notion. But it would not pay to let carnal interests dictate such a consequential choice.*

Aili: *She guides them down into a kiss, deep and soft* I understand. You've got a lot to deal with right now, anyway, being the mighty Inquisitor and all. *she smiles again, some of the playfulness coming back* I would like to point out, however, that we do have some duty to our people to consider here. Rebuilding the empire and all that.

Uthvir: Hmm. Empires do require leaders, do they not? Dynasties and suchlike, I suppose. Conquerors and empresses and kings. That is a very good point... vhenan. *They steal another kiss from her, lingering on the taste of her lips; the feel of the evening air around them, sharp and just a little cool. A light breeze ruffles through the abundant flower petals. So much simpler, and yet; Uthvir does not suppose having a child in a mortal world would be without its distresses.*

Aili: *practically purrs at the endearment, wrapping her arms around Uthvir as they kiss her. This is...definitely not the life she thought she'd be having, but it is hard to plan for something like a huge hole being ripped in the sky. She takes a good long look at their face when they pull away. Their relationship had started out as more or less political, at least on her end, she still isn't quite sure what Uthvir thought they'd be getting out of it, but now... * I love you, you know. And if we do have kids, they're going to be extraodinary.

Uthvir: Of course. I imagine you would teach them how to function within society, and I would teach them how to tear it down, and between the both of us they would likely settle a throne amidst the bloodied ashes of Tevinter and Orlais. If we don't prop it up for them first, anyway. *They smirk, but their eyes are soft and thoughtful, and one of their hands settles firmly against her lower back.*

Aili: *she chuckles warmly* For someone who has never thought of this, you seem to have a pretty solid plan for their future.

Uthvir: That was on the fly. If it comes to it, I am certain we will devise something better. *Their hand slips a little lower, and they press a little closer. Aili is very warm against the encroaching chill, naturally.*

Aili: *snuggles further into them, sighing in contentment* You realize that they might want some say in their destiny as well? Between the two of us, we are likely to produce the most headstrong child of the age.

 Uthvir: ...A valid point. Well, I suppose they can decide when they are old enough. And if we have several, that should increase the odds that at least one wants to be High Empress of All Things. *Leaning down, they press a kiss to her temple - purely affectionate, before they begin nipping at the tip of her ear with a little more heat*

Aili: *lets out little gasp as they nip her ear before laughing somewhat breathlessly* Several? Are we going to rebuild the empire by ourselves, now?

Uthvir: *Considers* How many people does an empire require, really? A few dozen? I think we could manage that. *They smirk, and begin trailing kisses and sucking bruises down the side of her neck*

Aili: *clutches at them a bit tighter, her breath hitching, hissing slightly as they suck a particularly dark bruise just below her ear.* E-easy for you to say, you wouldn't be the one giving birth to them.

Uthvir: Well I could, actually. I mean I could shift to the necessary equipment. But you cannot, it seems, so you will probably be responsible for that end of things. *They smirk, and shift their hips against hers, grinding into her.*

Aili: *presses back into them, retaliating with a few nips and kisses of her own* Hm, somehow I don't think you would enjoy being pregnant very much. Unpredictable emotions and not being able to move very well...not being able to fit into your armor. *she gives a little pointed tug at their belt, dragging them closer*

Uthvir: *Considers* I cannot say the idea sounds appealing. Especially not in light of the reverse possibility. *Aili swelling with child, getting even softer in body, while her emotions sharpen and fluctuate and even, perhaps, grow more assertive and demanding. They think they would like pampering her through that. They slip a hand up under her tunic, and let out a little growl as she shifts against them.* If you are not careful, vhenan, we will settle the matter here and now.

Aili: *arches a brow at them and grins* You say that as though I wasn't the one who suggested it in the first place.

Uthvir: So I have fallen into your trap, then? I should have known. You are so very talented at ensnaring me. *They glance back towards the camp, and then towards the nearby line of trees leading deeper into the wood, as if debating whether to abscond with Aili into the woods, or back to the aravels.*

Aili: *laughs* It doesn't seem to be too terribly difficult. *she plucks a flower off one of the various strands still looped over her and tucks it behind their ear* Honesty and flower crowns. *She leans up a bit to kiss them again before taking them by the hand and pulling them towards the woods* Come on, there's no such thing as privacy in an aravel, and we've camped near here before. *she leads them to a little clearing some ways from the camp. The ground is a carpet of bluebells and the crumbling remnants of something ancient and elven slants out of the trees, draped in cloaks of climbing ivy.*

Uthvir: *They are being led by a radiant, pleased Aili through a beautiful forest, to an ivy-cloaked grove, with a flower in their hair. The scene is so lovely it feels almost like it should be mocking them, somehow; but Aili only turns and steals another kiss from them, and does not vanish into ether. They pull back, briefly; sweep an assessing gaze over the grove, but the place is peaceful, and they find themselves taken with the profound desire to press Aili into the bluebells; crush their scent into her skin, and kiss her breathless. After a moment's more consideration, they seize her, and do just that.*

Aili: *They bear her to the ground, swift but still careful of hurting her, their mouth not leaving hers for an instant. The earth is relatively soft, and the bent flowers tickle at her ears. She has a distant thought that they probably need to be wearing less clothing for this particular activity, but for right now she contents herself with twining her limbs around them, dragging them as close as possible, and kissing them fervently.

Uthvir: *They are quite taken with kissing her. Especially when she's kissing them like /that/, like she wants nothing more than to invite them into every inch of her. Her hair spills amidst the flower petals, like a reverse of the scene before, when it had been strewn with them. Uthvir traces over the soft curves of her lips, hungry but also savouring; they part her lips with their tongue, and press their thigh between her leg until she begins to squirm with discomfort as much as arousal; and then they recall their armour, almost with annoyance, and whisper the command to free the latches. Forgetting, of course, that this doesn't work anymore, in this world with its quieter magic. It can wait, then, they decide, angling themselves so they are not pressing uncomfortably against Aili, and focusing on what they can do with their mouth for the time being. They attack her neck again, kissing the bruises they'd sucked there earlier, and trail down towards her collarbone. They pluck at her own clothes, and trail their hands down her sides, finding buckles and laces to free her.*

Aili: *There is a lot of wriggling and twisting, and occasional bouts of muffled laughter as they both attempt to get her out of her clothes without pausing in their relentless desire to be kissing and groping at each other. She does her best to get them out of their armor, but finds it is a somewhat difficult task when one is being ravished, and in the end, she doesn't get much farther than pulling their gauntlets and bracers off and loosening a few latches on their chest plate. The evening air is slightly chill, but their hands on her are warm, sliding down her sides, squeezing at her hips, and kneading firmly at her breasts as they begin to make their way down her body with their mouth. She presses back into them eagerly, twining her hands in their hair and making soft gasps and whimpers at the sensation. This is the sort of place teenagers sneak off to for a tumble when the Keeper's back is turned. The sort of thing everyone giggles and whispers about and pretends not to know. The sort of thing she'd never really thought she'd be doing. There is a sort of rush to it, knowing that others in her clan know about this place, that someone might decide to come looking for them. Despite the fact that they're married and she doesn't live with her clan anymore, it does feel...a bit scandalous. She bites her lips and grins.*

Uthvir: *They see a wicked light come into Aili's eyes, and it delights them to no end when that happens. When her nails scrape their scalp just a bit more firmly, and her teeth sink into the plush skin of her own lip, and her mouth curls up at the edges; sinfully delightful. They move more roughly as they shuck her pants all the way off of her, and take the liberty of ripping apart her smalls. Any comment she might have about that transforms into a gasp as they put their mouth to good use on her, setting about their task with no lack of enthusiasm. Her thighs clench around their head and her fingers scrape across their scalp, before tugging them yet closer still, encouraging their progress with breathless moans. They pull up short just when her hip movements become frantic, and her moan turns to a frustrated growl that shivers straight through them. They really are wearing too much, they think. Catching her eye, they pull back, and begin to slowly undress themselves.*

Aili: *She props herself up on her elbows to observe them intently with heavy-lidded eyes, breaths ragged and pupils blown wide. She wants them to come back to her, to be surrounded by them, to be touched and filled and sent flying, but...there is something to be said for watching them slowly unwrap themselves like a present, every movement revealing delicious new glimpses of smooth golden skin. After a moment of contemplation, she bites her lip again, eyes still roaming of them hungrily as she reaches down and begins idly stroking at herself with one hand, not quite enough to bring her to the end, but just enough to keep her nerves dancing along the fringes of pleasure. She sees their gaze shift pointedly to her hand and she grins almost wickedly.* By all means, take your time.

 Uthvir: *Their eyes stay fixed on her, sharp and intent and wanting, watching the movements of her fingers. They peel off the layers of their armour, and by the time they are bared their arousal is obvious and burning. But they approach her slowly, slinking, pulling her hand away to lick at her fingers, and then use their mouth on her again. They drag her straight back to the edge, relishing the sounds they pull from her, waiting until she's trembling before they line up their hips and thrust inside of her. They keep their movements slow but forceful, watching her face as they crush her into the flowers, and think about filling her up with fertile seed. They could really have children, they realize. As many as they wanted. No need to beg permission; no petitions, angling, negotiations, bribes. Their wife is beautiful and willing and the world is so different, so filled with all these things they never expected to have. They lean in close, thrusting into her and pressing flush against her, filled with possessive want and lust and love, uncomplicated and yet deep.* Ma vhenan. *The endearment falls from their lips in a growl.*

Aili: Ma sa'lath. *She manages to sigh breathlessly in reply between desperate gasps of pleasure. Despite everything going wrong in the world, she doesn't know if anything has ever felt this perfect. This place is beautiful, and her spouse is brilliant and talented and attentive, and she loves them. The feeling is practically staggering. They're going to have a child, she can tell. There is no way that something this magnificent could end any other way. Something good forged from a time of destruction and death. Something to hope for, to build a future for. A glimmer of light in the darkness. Her head tips back as she cries out, tightening around them as her thoughts tumble away in a white streak of searing ecstasy.*

Uthvir: *She tightens around them, as if drawing from them, and they cannot help but go tumbling after her. As seems to be their predisposition in most things, in the end. Her cry rings in their ears as they burrow their face against her neck, and shudder against her, spilling into her. Potent and unhindered, primal satisfaction stealing over them. The rush of it all is intoxicating. They are spent but they almost want to do it all over again, straight away; just keep at it until there can be no shred of doubt, until the world narrows to this one point, this quiet grove and the two of them, tangled up in one another. They find themselves breathing promises and endearments against her skin; assurances that she will be safe, that they will look after her, that they will lay the world at her feet if she wants it. Does she want them to kill a dragon for her? They can do that. They can kill twenty; they just need to find them.*

Aili: *She comes back to herself at the sound of Uthvir's voice, affectionate and mildly delirious vows murmured into her skin. A great wave of contentment rises up in her, smoothing out some of her trembling nerves and they shiver with little aftershocks of pleasure. She runs her hands through their hair gently, pressing a kiss to their temple, whispering back to them in a low voice.* Everything. You are /everything/. And I have you. *she kisses them again*  I have you, Vhenan, and everything is going to be alright.

 Uthvir: *They melt into her offered comfort, even as some part of themselves balks at needing it. Still it settles into them, solidifying along with their resolve. She has them; and they have her, to keep and be kept by. Their hands stroke across her body, soothing over the trembling muscles and shivering skin. Their fingers slip back towards her warm centre, slick from all their recent activities, and they seal a kiss across her lips.* I am all yours, emma lath. *The agreement is easy, as they draw their touch up and settle it onto her abdomen, brushing their thumb gently back and forth.*

 Aili: For now, at least. *She smiles softly, tucking a lock of hair behind their ear and kissing them with a sigh* I suppose I’ll have to get used to the idea of sharing you.

Uthvir: I suppose I will have to get used to sharing you, too. And we will both have to share the child. *They tsk, all this warmth and generosity going around, but there is a reverent sort of warmth in their gaze that doesn't fade*

Aili: *She laughs* Oh, believe me, you'll be more than happy to share the child after three or four days of them waking up every few hours screaming bloody murder, and a few dozen dirty nappies.

 Uthvir: *They make a face at the prospect of nappies, but then shrug; they've cleaned out their fair share of entrails in the past.* Perhaps. We shall find out, I suppose. *Their hand smooths a circle across her abdomen, before they seem to decide that the quiet grove is still yet too exposed, and begin gathering their things up again. They are uncommonly solicitous as they help Aili find her own clothes.*

Aili: *She lets them fuss over her as they like, eyes shining with unbridled amusement. But she cannot contain her laughter when they wrap an arm around her as though to help her walk.* Not that I mind the attention, Vhenan, but we don't even know if I am with child yet. *she flicks their ear lightly* And even if we did, it wouldn't mean I had suddenly transformed into an invalid.

Uthvir: You will only be pregnant for nine months. That is a paltry amount of time to spend being pampered. *With a glint in their eye, they sweep her up again, pulling her laughing form into their arms to carry her bridal-style through the forest.*

Aili: *She wraps her arms around their neck, buoyant and giggling* I think you forgot the part where we don't even know that I /am/ pregnant? It will take a few weeks before we can really know one way or another. *something mischievous sparks in her eyes* Of course...there are ways to increase the likelihood of our success...

Uthvir: *They are fairly certain that she is pregnant. But far be it for them to turn down an obvious invitation. Their grip on her tightens, a bit, and they steal another kiss; pleased when her fingers tighten in their collar* It would pay to make absolutely certain, I suppose. And those little tents /are/ exceptionally drafty... I would be remiss to let my pregnant wife get cold.

Aili: Hm. *She begins lazily trailing kisses across their neck and jaw* And they say romance is dead.

Uthvir: It is. I killed it and cooked it and served you half, and so we have all of it now. *Those kisses are... making it very difficult to get out of the woods. They nip the tip of her ear*

Aili: *She pauses her assault long enough to tip her head back and laugh* Well, that certainly explains a few things. *She digs a hand in their hair as she nips their ear in turn before placing a scraping bite along the side of their throat.* However shall I repay you for my share of your prize?

Uthvir: *Their steps stutter, and they let out a curse and a little growl of their own* Vhenan, if you don't behave, I'll take you again right here and now. And then in the camp, too. And don't think I'll care how much noise we're making, or how thin those tent walls are.

Aili: *she hums as she nuzzles her nose up under their jaw, completely unrepentant* /You/ were the one who insisted I needed to be carried. *She nips their chin* It's not /my/ fault you're walking so slowly.

Uthvir: It is /entirely/ your fault that I am walking so slowly, you vixen. /I/ am being gallant. You are being insatiable. *They seem very pleased about this, though*

Aili: *She grins at them toothily, tightening her fingers in their hair slightly, eyes bright with intent* As if you mind.

Uthvir: I tolerate it, I suppose. *They stop to lower her to her feet, only so they can press her against the soft moss on a nearby tree trunk. Their hands wander as they steal a hungry kiss or four.*

Aili: *Bites at their lips almost as much as she kisses them, apparently feeling feisty, one hand still fisted in their hair as the other grabs their hip possessively, on the off chance they have any ideas about breaking away.* How selfless of you to indulge me in my idle fancies.

Uthvir: *They grin against the assault, practically purring when her hand settles on their hip.* Not so idle, as it turns out. *They slip a hand beneath her waistband, squeezing her backside and pulling her onto their thigh, until her hips begin to rock into them.*

Aili: *Her hand slides from their hip to their backside, growling in mild frustration at the leather and metal keeping them from her. She tugs them closer regardless and bites at their neck again* I swear, if I didn't know it kept you safe, you'd wake up one morning to find all of your armor had vanished. *She shifts her hips at little more forcefully.* And possibly your pants.

Uthvir: *They laugh, grinding their hips against her, a little breathless at their own growing constriction.* Only if yours did as well. I think I would like seeing you run around with your legs free to the world. They are very nice legs, after all. *They reach down and manage to unlatch a few relevant pieces of armour, at least, removing the cup and unlacing their pants. They hastily shuck Aili's own downwards, before wrapping the aforementioned legs around their waist, and rocking against her. It's a clumsy motion, at first, a little ragged with the urgency of their lust, and their desire to be back in her again.*

Aili: *Uthvir rolls their hips against her a few times before she finally loses what little patience she had to begin with and takes a hand to guide them to her entrance. They surge up into her, sheathing themselves inside her in a single motion, making her cry out. Her legs grip their hips, heedless of any sharp bits of armor pressing into her thighs. She takes their face in her hands and kisses them savagely, almost all of the air in her lungs begin pressed out of her as her spouse sets a nearly frantic pace to their lovemaking. Everything is rough and scraping and burning with intensity, and she clings to them, giving back what she can, digging into them, without the slightest thought of ever letting go.*

Uthvir: *Gentleness is momentarily forgotten as they thrust into their wife, rustling the tree branches overhead, holding her thighs up as they answer her ferocity. They are rough and ragged, and when they hit the angle that makes her moans crack and rise in pitch, they only increase their speed. She clenches around them, pulling at their shoulder guards, and it is too much. They spill inside of her with a curse, white hot pleasure shuddering through them; burning out their vision for a moment.*

Aili: *She curls forward, slumping into them even as Uthvir shifts their weight more firmly against the tree to keep them both upright. She feels bruised and spent and somewhat deliciously sore. Her hands tremble as she clutches them, breaths gasping from her chest as she struggles to find her thoughts. Someone is mumbling, but she isn't sure which one of them it is until she smears a kiss across their ear and it pauses for a moment. Only one word seems to shudder from her with any sort of coherency.* /Vhenan/.

Uthvir: *They are a bit weak about the knees themselves, at this point, and the endearments spilling from Aili's lips only seem to make them shakier. They suck in a deep breath, and press a clumsy kiss to her lips. Her hair is full of bits of moss and petals and leaves, they note. It suits her; makes her look like the wild thing that she is. They take a moment to simply lean into her, trapping her between themselves and the tree, before they carefully begin setting both of them to rights again.*

Aili: *If anyone in the clan was going to have any doubts about what they've been up to, they will be quelled by the sight of them walking back through the camp, she is absolutely certain. Her hair is full of bits of nature, her clothes are hopelessly rumpled and covered in dirt and grass stains, and they both smell like sweat. Even Uthvir, who tends to take a bit more caution with their appearance than she does, looks vaguely mussed, and possibly a bit dazed. A smug sleepy smile plasters itself across her face, and once they are both decent again, she snakes an arm around their waist. Leaning into them as they begin slowly staggering back towards the camp again.*

Uthvir: *They shiver at the look of satisfaction on their wife's face, and the slight tremble in her steps. They're tempted to sweep her up again, and just carry her back, and see what she will make of that; but they doubt their arms could hold her that well at this point. They are tired. Sated, satisfied on a primal level that makes them want to curl around her like a cat, but after a day of activity and an evening of /activity/, even their strength is taxed. They settle for keeping one arm around her, and meeting the knowing gazes of the clan sentinels with a smile, and a cheery wave.*

Aili: *For the most part, her clanmates seem content with a few knowing smiles and poorly concealed chuckles. Her friend Ishanni catches her eye and winks. Still, it could be much much worse. They could have run into Keeper Deshanna or, most horrifying of all-*

Uthvir: *They pause as they catch sight of Aili's mother. A familiar face from the wedding party, of course. She had threatened them to a satisfactory degree over her daughter's well-being, and proven sufficiently terrifying as to establish where Aili's temper comes from. They meet her gaze readily. There is something very near quelling about it, though, even to them. Which is bizarre. They are married; however obvious their activities may be, they are hardly the sort to merit much disapproval, even by the standards of this strange society. Right?*

Ina'then: *She gazes at the pair of them intently, fingers tracing the curve of the bow in her hand, expression impassive. After a moment of deathly silence, she finally speaks.* ...I want to meet my grandchild when they're born. You'll bring them back to the clan to see me and your father sometimes. *It isn't a question. She steps forward and pulls a leaf from her daughter's hair, touching her cheek briefly as her mouth twitches up in a faint smile. Then she turns soundlessly on her heel and vanishes back into the throng of the camp.*

Uthvir: *They feel vaguely as if they have just passed by a lioness who has opted not to give chase, being either too full or footsore that day. But the request is reasonable enough. In point of fact, they had scarcely contemplated having this child without needing to accommodate most of Aili's family and clan wanting to be around for its development. That /is/ how children are raised, after all. Aili's own mother is certainly sharp enough and protective enough to seem like a good influence. Though...* Did you tell her you were planning to get with child today?

Aili: *She shakes her head* No. I wasn't even planning on bringing up the idea of children for a while yet, it just sort of...happened.

Uthvir: ...Hmm. Your mother is terrifying. *They shrug, and then sweep a kiss across her temple* Perhaps we /will/ be quiet tonight. Out of courtesy.

Aili: *She gives a breathless laugh* You don't know the half of it. I could never get away with anything. She swears she doesn't have any sort of magic, but I'm not certain I believe her.

Uthvir: Perhaps she made a deal with a Spirit of Insight, and has kept quiet about it. That could explain any number of things.

Aili: *She snorts* My mother isn't the sort to make deals with spirits, benign or otherwise. She doesn't much care for things poking around in her head. *She takes them by the hand and leans in for a brief kiss* Still, keeping quiet is probably prudent.

Uthvir: *Their eyes light up, and they whirl her a bit in their arms, dragging her towards the aravel designated for their use.* Shall we consider it a challenge, or would you prefer to employ the responsible use of gags?

Aili: *she laughs at their enthusiasm* I am willing to concede to your preference, though if you are not careful, Vhenan, you are going to have to carry me all the way back to Skyhold.

Uthvir: Hmm, such a shame that would be. Particularly with all the stops we would have to make due to your wily seductions. *They are unnerved by the charmed, slightly wistful look one of the young hunters sends their way. They return it with a narrow one of their own before they get Aili safely into the comparative privacy of their 'accommodations'. Little more than some storage space and some mats on the floor, really. They will have to make space for Dalish visitors to Skyhold, they suppose; it will not do to have their pregnant wife sleeping on the ground. But for now, they settle for rearranging the bedding so that the sleeping mats are piled together, and every spare blanket they have brought is arranged to provide extra padding. Not that they are fussing.*

Aili: *She huffs in amusement as she watches Uthvir pile just about every conceivably soft thing in the aravel into some sort of nest as though she has not spent the better part of her life sleeping in such accommodations.* Am I to understand that I will not be permitted to walk anywhere for the next nine months or so?

Uthvir: Healthy exercise is important to maintaining bodily integrity. Discomfort, on the other hand, is wholly unnecessary. *On that note, they begin to remove their armour again, carefully divesting themselves of spikes and casting an assessing look towards Aili's thighs, where she had pressed them against their armour during their latest tryst.*

Aili: *She grins wolfishly* I see, so you are simply making sure things are comfortable so we can both indulge in some healthy exercise?

Uthvir: *They smirk* Precisely. *They stretch, with their armour off, bare feet on the soft ground, thin fabric riding up on their stomach. But then they turn back towards the front flap of the tent.* I'll get us some food and water, just in case we should become too distracted to remember later.

Aili: *She snags them by the waist of their pants and drags them into a deep breath-stealing kiss. She's panting hard when they finally part, a wicked smirk curling up one corner of her mouth.* /Quickly/. *She lightly shoves them back towards the door, sitting down on the floor to pull off her foot wraps.*

Uthvir: *They stagger out, a little dazed before their defensive instincts kick in, and they recall that they are surrounded by a camp of fairly well-armed elves. They straighten, and take a deep breath, focusing as they walk towards the middle of camp. The cook fires are up and food is being handed out. Not too different from Skyhold, where everyone is carefully rationed out their meals, except in the case of visiting dignitaries. The scarcity of food is something they still have troubles wrapping their head around. But their proficiency as a hunter seems to have won them a lot of points with some of the clan because of it; that morning's hunt had yielded a stag they would have considered negligible once, but that received plenty of praise upon being brought back to camp. Some of the meat is offered to them now, readily enough, along with some roasted root vegetables. They procure a few flasks of water, and head back, caught by the warm sounds of activity in the camp.*

Aili: *She's sprawled out on the nest of mats and blankets when they walk back in, hair brushed free of leaves and flower petals, without a stitch on her. All loose curls and soft inviting skin, she obviously had some sort of nefarious plan for their return. ...She is also quite clearly asleep.*

Uthvir: *They greatly appreciate the view just the same, their passions turning warm and soft rather than hot and pressing. They settle down beside her, and let their gaze rove over her for a moment. The beautiful tumble of her hair, the invitation of her pose; the gentle rise and fall of her chest. It seems a shame to break the scene, and so they linger in it for a moment, before her lips part in her sleepy breaths. Then they lean over, and wake her with a slow kiss; if she is this tired, then their other hungers can wait. But she should eat, and drink. Uthvir may not know all the specifics of pregnancy, but they know that growing people need good food, and lots of it. Presumably people who are actively growing /other people/ need double the amount.* I brought food.

Aili: *Her face scrunches in mild petulance as she makes a move to flop an arm around their neck. Her voice is thick with sleep, stumbling over her words clumsily.* Mm, could eat you...

Uthvir: *They bite back a laugh, only just* You are welcome to try, my love. But you should eat actual food, first. *They kiss her again, pulling back, drawing her upwards as she grumbles and chases their lips. Somehow she ends up half in their lap, blinking at a plate of vegetables and roast venison.*

Aili: *She blearily begins picking at the offered food, smearing grease and vegetable juices on her chin and fingers, leaning into them heavily all the while. Eventually she turns towards them, nuzzling her face into them like a cat seeking affection.* Hm...you smell good. S'weird cause you should be all sweaty, but...mmm.

Uthvir: *They hum at her, very satisfied with the current state of affairs. They eat a bit themselves, amused at Aili's lack of coherence, and the grease she's smearing onto their shirt. One of their hands works steady strokes down her back, as she flops against them, and seems to try and divest them of their shirt, before giving up and drowsing on their shoulder. They take the liberty of enjoying her own scent; the musk of recent sex, and sweat, but also the sweetness of forest moss and flowers.* Blame the environment. You smell like a debauched meadow.

Aili: *Since her efforts with their shirt seem to have failed, she begins to work her hands down the back of their pants instead, head still drooping on their shoulder, breathing them in deeply.* Mmm...you smell like leather...an' flowers...an'...um, /you/. * She manages to smear a kiss along their throat.*

Uthvir: *They empty plate of food clatters to the side as Aili's questing hands slide down their pants, and squeeze. Their sleepy, affectionate wife is almost puddling into them, and they cannot say that they mind. They return the favour, closing their hands over her soft curves and pulling her closer still; somehow they end up rocking back into the nest of blankets, Aili's hair spilling over their face as they tumble with a soft 'oof'.*

Aili: *She wriggles against them a bit, and it is difficult to say whether she is trying to stoke a more potent arousal between them, or if she is simply trying to burrow further into them for the sake of being closer. Possibly both. Her hands are still in their pants, pinned beneath their combined weight. She gives them another little appreciative squeeze as her voice mumbles in their ear.* Hm, caught you.

Uthvir: *They snicker, angling their legs further apart so she sinks between them, and then in a single motion flips them both over. They press her into the nest of furs and blankets, burying their nose against the side of her throat and inhaling deeply.* So it would seem. *Their lips settle against her skin, beginning a trail of soft, lazy kisses, tracing the line of her jaw; the vulnerable skin of her neck.*

Aili: *She sighs in deep breathy contentment, angling her head to one side to bare more of her throat to them as she languidly attempts to tug their pants down their hips.* You're so pretty...but you're always wearing too many clothes. *It seems like more of an observation than a real complaint.*

Uthvir: *They snort, but obligingly pull back to take off their shirt, and help remove the obstacle of their pants.* I suppose I could wear less. *They'll have to cut back on the armoured spikes, at least; too risky to carry around tired spouses with all that on. Perhaps they can get someone in the armoury to work up something usable for once, with smoother edges. Just for the time being, of course. They dip down, turning their attention to Aili's breasts, lazy and slow in their touches still.*

Aili: *The sounds she makes are soft and quiet and encouraging. She runs her hands over them gently, knowing their scars well enough to avoid the places that still make them tense, even without being able to see them.* Or...we could just be naked all the time? You could deliver edicts by tossing them out the window of the balcony. Or perhaps pass messages back and forth via Leliana's crows? ...hm...I guess it would be difficult to seal rifts from our bed, though.

Uthvir: It would. I cannot imagine how they would be brought to us. Perhaps we could encourage a nudist lifestyle to take root in general; though that would probably be a hard sell in the Frostback Mountains. *They work their way back up her collarbone, toying with her a bit as they lick and nip, and then slant their hips against her. It is remarkable how swiftly their arousal can mount in the presence of those soft sighs and hitched breaths that escape her. They are content to keep toying with her, though, drawing out the experience with affection as much as lust. Her fingers are soft brushes at the skin of their back, the patches where the nerves haven't died, and they can track the slow movements of her hands. The gentlest scrape of her nails, nowhere near rough enough to even press, really; but it makes them shiver, as much from their own lack of disquiet at letting her touch them like this as from the touch itself.*

Aili: *She makes a face* There are several members of the Inquisition who I have absolutely have no interest in seeing sans clothing. Most of them, really. *She seems to have perked up a bit, though perhaps still a little drowsy, but she doesn't seem to mind the lazy pace they’re moving at. She continues her drifting caresses and begins to slowly move her hips back against them.*

Uthvir: *They steal more kisses, admiring and caressing her by turns. When they finally slip inside of her, it is with a sigh more than a cry; she is relaxed and their pace remains unhurried. They move in her slowly, savouring the slide of flesh against flesh; slipping their arms around and beneath her, pressing her close as they thrust.* I fear many of the Inquisition would not know how to appreciate the sight of myself without clothing, either. And a few might appreciate it a bit too much.

Aili: *She hums thoughtfully, breath hitching slightly as they move against that place deep within her that makes her tremble with pleasure, her arms tightening around them for a moment as she brings her legs up to wrap around their hips.* Don't worry, Ma sa'lath, I'd fend them off of you in either case.

Uthvir: Would you, now? Defending my virtue. *They cannot quite keep an odd tone out of their voice at that. They have little virtue to speak of, of course, but rather than wry, it comes out more relieved. They move a little more pronouncedly, then, driving against that spot so that any reply Aili might make comes out as a breathy moan instead. Her head tilts back, and they stare at the lovemarks on her neck, and a deep thrum of feeling surges up through them.*

AIli: *The slowly simmering heat within her suddenly spikes at the sudden shift in the force and tempo of their thrusts. They're still moving relatively slow by their standards, but the deep slide of steady friction has her arching up into them, fighting to be impossibly closer, to have more of them, to melt into each other completely. Her head tips back, dizzy with sensation, eyes pressing shut as she grips them with her thighs. She's not lost yet, but she's close. So so close. She lets out a low strangled whimper, plaintive and wanting. Her voice babbles in quiet pleas and endearments, in both broken elven and common alike, grasping at their shoulders almost hard enough for her nails to break skin.*

Uthvir: *The clench of her around them is intoxicating. They can feel every inch of themselves sliding in and out of her; every bit of her skin against theirs. Her legs pressed around them, her breasts at their chest, her nails digging into them, her breaths at their ear. The hot rush of pleasure builds up and up, and seems to crack against the inside of their chest. A rush of endearments spill from their lips. Love. Heart. Beloved. Best and dearest and most treasured of all. She lets out a cry and clenches around them, and they grow frantic for a moment, spilling into her again.* Aili. *They sigh against her, and droop at her shoulder, letting out a long breath as they tremble.*

Aili: *Her grip slackens as her strength bleeds away with the outgoing tide of pleasure. She loops her arms around their shoulders, one hand pressed to the back of their head, exhaling their name with practically every other breath, as though it is simply part of how she breathes now, and her body knows no other way to do it.* Ma vhenan’ara. *Things grow quiet, for a few minutes there is no sound in the aravel, but labored breathing and the thundering of slowing heartbeats, and Uthvir wonders if she has perhaps fallen back to sleep. And then she laughs, soft and disbelieving.* ...We're going to have a baby.

Uthvir: *It is pleasant, so pleasant, this lull of arms and breaths, steadying heartbeats and tangled limbs. The break in the pattern, the soft laugh, almost feels like the first fall of raindrops in a storm, though. And Aili's voice brings home the truth of the situation. They... are going to have a baby. Aili's child. And Uthvir's child. Theirs, together. Just like that. A fragile, tiny life, dependent upon them for its care and upbringing and introduction to the world. Uthvir hesitates a moment, and then shifts them around. They move until they are spooning Aili's back, hands spread across her stomach, nose buried behind one of her ears.* I hope it looks like you.

Aili: *She sighs in deep contentment, tangling their fingers together over her stomach and snuggling further into them.* Between the pair of us, they have a good chance of being downright  gorgeous...*she snickers* It is also incredibly likely that they are going to be short. And stubborn.

Uthvir: Short, stubborn... best teach them how to use knives as well as ranged weapons. *They mumble this in the general vicinity of her hair, falling prey to sleepy contentment of their own.* Watch for early manifestations of aggressive magic, I suppose. Lots of target practice. Have to emphasize patience, if they get your bold streak. Kill anyone who looks at them sideways. *They sigh, as if happily imagining all the would-be enemies and unsuitable pursuers they're likely to beat into pulp in the not-so-distant future.*

Aili: *still mumbling sleepily, but with a distinct air of amusement* Yes, yes, lots of fighting and stabbing and snarling and training, but do let them have a few friends, Vhenan.

Uthvir: *Sleepily* They can be friends with the halla. *They inhale deeply, drinking in the scent of Aili and sex and sweat and sex and tent and Aili and leather and sex, and Aili, which is very satisfying.* Maybe a dog or two. Those smart types.

Aili: *an amused hum* Believe it or not, they may want to have a friend or two who is actually capable of speech, my love. Though I like the idea of getting them a Mabari. Snarly and cuddly and smart...and loyal. Very good.

Uthvir: *murmurs* Parrots can talk. Get them a parrot. *Their breaths go deeper, and it seems like they might, in fact, drift off to sleep first this time. A pleasant ache from their rigorous activities is settling into them, along with the fading buzz of pleasure. They press one last, sleepy kiss to Aili's neck, and then they're out.*

Aili: *gives one final tired chuckle, feeling Uthvir's breathing even out behind her and the tug of sleep pulling her after them. She moves her hand gently across her belly, smiling as she whispers* I can't wait to meet you, Da'vhenan. *And with that, she closes her eyes and drifts away.*

F: (Uthvir is going to hover, you realize this, yes? They are going to be impossible.)

L: (Aili is THE WORST patient, she is going to be insufferable for nine months)

F: (Oh man. XD Uthvir is going to have to distract her so much, in that case.)

L: (Well, it is mostly, "I AM FINE, I FEEL FINE, LEMME FIGHT STUFF AND DO MY JOB." *pukes*)

F: (Uthvir would be so alarmed by puking. Most pregnant elves in their time don't do that unless something's going wrong.)

F: (Well, good news is that Uthvir is perfectly willing to tie her to a bed. For a multitude of reasons.)

L: (Aili would be so irate. "You can't tie me up, I have to pee all the time, I can't fight dragons from here, what are you doing, rawr!")

F: (Uthvir would just be like 'I'll untie you to use the chamber pot, it's fine, I don't mind; just rest and I'll fight the dragons'.)

Aili: *hissing and cursing and eating every dessert in Skyhold. And all the apples*

L: (^^^ This continues for 9 months)

Solas: *is disappointed at the sudden lack of frilly cakes*

Uthvir: *Unrepentant; all desserts belong to Aili now. It's only for nine months. Suck it up, everyone else. When the hold runs out of apples they go on a tiny errand run to the Free Marches to get several barrels of her favourite kind.*

L: (Aili is grateful, but still grumpy at being cooped up. There are probably a lot of futile escape attempts and angry sex. XD )

F: (Uthvir would turn to sex as their primary distraction method. And also steal all of her clothes, thus greatly hindering escape attempts. This would probably lead to more sex, because naked pregnant Aili.)

L: (LMAO, who is running the Inquisition?)

F: (Cassandra? And Uthvir, when they aren't busy. XD )

Aili: *waits until they are gone on a mission and makes a toga out of bedsheets and shows up in the War Room like-* "OKAY, I AM FINALLY HERE TO HELP, LEMME HELP, WHAT NEEDS DOING?? *All the advisors are terrified because Uthvir has made it clear that they are supposed to give her whatever she wants, but they are also not supposed to let her work or do anything stressful*

Josephine: *Calmly directs Aili towards the War Table. Offers her a warm drink and a chair. While Aili argues about not needing a chair, Leliana slips out of the room; she comes back a few minutes later with her arms full of Emergency Distraction Nugs. The nugs are set loose in the War Room.*

F: (The nugs, of course, try and steal Aili's bedsheet toga.)

L: (...were these nugs trained by Uthvir?)

F: (Pssh. Would Uthvir ever anticipate Aili wearing a bedsheet toga and conspire with Leliana on the subject?)

L: (...yes.)

F: (I dunno. Seems plausibly deniable to me. Most likely the nugs just hate bedsheets.)

Aili: *Makes a valiant effort against attacker nugs, but then gives up. Whatever, I'm Dalish, I don't care about being naked, we're all girls here anyway, let's work!*

Josephine: *suggests she get Aili some replacement clothes. Aili recalls going to her chambers, and settling into a comfortable couch, and then somehow not going back to the war room as Josie talks to her about stuff around the keep and everything that's been happening and enthuses about the impending baby and plies her with delicious fruit*

L: (Yeah, okay, that would probably work)

F: (Congratulations, Josephine, you earned a bonus! Uthvir will kill one thing of your choice for you!)

Josephine: *Is uncertain if she won something or not*

Uthvir: Animals count. Do you want me to kill you a wyvern or something? You could make a rug.

L: (I admit...I'm not sure how I think she'd take that. XD Probably try to see if she could exchange it for them NOT killing something/someone. Just once. Please.)

F: (I think she'd just keep it in mind in case the Inquisition needed to kill something for someone in power and otherwise just be like 'good job, me!' Or that. XD )

Josephine: Kill veto!

Uthvir: *sighs and moves away from the ducklings*

L: (OMG. UTHVIR, NO.)

F: (They were going to stuff them and make toys! Babies like ducklings! Aili said so!)

L: (Just ask Blackwall to carve some, geeze!)

F: (Then they wouldn't be /soft/, obviously!)

L: (Ask Krem to sew some?)

F: (...Fine. But those ducklings would have been perfect baby toys.)

L: (They would have been creepy!)

F: (Small. Fuzzy. Cute. Uthvir is not seeing the issue.)

L: (So so creepy. Also, dead things are probably not good for babies to put in their mouth, Uthvir.)

L: (Oh man, Uthvir is going to flip their shit during the actual birthing process. Aili screaming and in pain for HOURS.)

F: (Yeah. They will just be like 'why is it so painful?!?' and of course it's because there are no magic/spirits helping, Uthvir, and they don't know the spells for this, so they'd just be like, sitting with her and making sure she didn't die. No one would be able to get them to let go of her hand, honestly. She'd probably break it.)

L: (She would certainly be holding on for dear life. She probably wouldn't let them leave even if someone asked them to step out of the way or something. First time having a baby and all that noise, and she knows "something could go wrong", but she'd be trying not to think about it but everything hurts and she's honestly sort of scared and that makes her grouchy because she hates feeling scared. No no no, this is fine everything is fine even though this REALLY FUCKING HURTS AND SHIT DON'T LEAVE YOU CAN'T LEAVE, OKAY?!)

F: (Uthvir would just be like 'LEAVE?! WHY WOULD I LEAVE YOU ARE HAVING THE BABY I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU BOTH LIVE THROUGH THIS!!!' and yell at people and make someone go get her mother, if she wasn't already there (probably she'd already be there, though, I mean even in the unlikely event that she was across a continent or something, she'd probably suddenly learn how to teleport for the occasion). )

L: (Oh good, if Ina'then is there, she'd be a calming influence. "Yes, yes, this is terrible, but you're going to be fine. Chew this herb and think happy thoughts." )

F: (Uthvir would be the most hilarious support. They'd just be like 'you're enduring astounding levels of pain phenomenally well! And I think your magic has spiked. You just blew apart one of the walls. The wall had it coming, I'm sure.')

L: (Adhamh (Aili's dad) is probably having a nervous breakdown somewhere. Possibly fainted. Walked in like, "YEAH! I help with birthing halla all the time, I can do this!" *Daughter screams in agony* NOPE.)

F: (He's the one sitting in the waiting room with the Dalish equivalent of cigars, while whoever else is visiting from the clan is just like 'yup, that's what having a baby sounds like'.)

L: (Man, and then new moms always have that crazy memory lapse thing where they kind of forget the horrific pain they just went through, so when Aili finally got the baby in her arms, she'd just sigh and be like, "Well, that wasn't so bad." And Uthvir would look at her like she was nuts because she just spent the last five hours screaming bloody murder and half the shit in this room has been magically exploded.)

F: (They'd be like 'ah yes, she *is* terrifying, thank you for the reminder' but then there'd still be recovery and also baby. Their baby. And Uthvir making like, fortifications and nesting and initially being afraid of touching their own kid because what if they hurt it??? It's all small and wrinkly and breakable! D: )

L: (Aili would make them suck it up. Nope, this is your baby, too. Here you go, hold them like this. Good job. I am just going to lay here for like...a few months.)

F: (Poor Uthvir trying not to have like eight different kinds of meltdown and epiphany at the same time while they hold their baby and worry about Aili and the world and themselves and their baby, who is still all wrinkly and pink and very, very tiny.)

L: (And then you get the flood of friends and Aili's dad who all want to see them and fuss over the kid and Uthvir just starts hissing at them. Because, no their child is very small and breakable and you are all untrustworthy. You can look at them. From the other side of the room. Quietly.)

F: (Uthvir has been learning about 'germs'. Uthvir does not think any of you should touch the baby. Possibly ever. Or Aili, especially not while she is recovering.)

L: (And then Ina'then is just like, "Hahaha, you are very cute and pointy, but I am definitely going to help take care of my daughter and I will be holding my grandchild before I leave this keep, thank you.")

F: (Uthvir at this point has already put her on the list of exceptions, so they're just like 'yeah cool, here, hold the baby while I go chase everyone else off and use ancient magic the likes of which you've never seen before to ensure my family's well-being' *kisses sleeping Aili on the forehead, skips off to go terrify people*)

L: (She'd just sit there on the bed and fuss over the kid while Aili's dad sort of stood over them because Uthvir sort of scares him, but he's pretty sure he's allowed to touch the kid, but not completely, so he settles for hovering and maybe stroking the baby's head and when Aili woke up Ina'then would be like, "You picked a weird one, Da'len." )

F: (Meanwhile Uthvir is just tearing through the keep, reorganizing things in a state that seems calm only if you don't look at their eyes, and summoning spirits and laying down wards and people are worried that it's, like, the end of the world or something. But no. They're just 'baby proofing' their home. XD)

L: (LOL How many visiting dignitaries are going to trip one of those and end up on fire or something?)

F: (Lots, probably. Josephine won't be happy. ^^; Uthvir will apologize by letting her look at the baby. And maybe hold it. MAYBE.)

L: (I bet Josephine is good with babies)

F: (I'd guess so, too! Plus they probably like all her glittery jewellery and ruffles. Lots of interesting things to look at and tug on.)

L: (She is sort of a human cream puff. And she is probably like, "I have contacts for everything, I got all of these crazy supplies you will be needing, and toys, and clothes! so many clothes! look at all the ruffles! <3 )

L: (And Leliana is like..."I will help set booby traps.")

F: (Josephine makes it onto the list of Acceptable People. So does Leliana. Dorian is not, no matter how much he pouts or how many arguments he makes for himself. (Aili would probably undo a lot of Uthvir's efforts in this regard once she was sufficiently rested and recovered, though).)

L: (LMAO She would. How about Bull? I bet he would want to fuss over the baby, but he is...yeah. XD)

F: (Bull is not allowed. Nope. Nor are any of his ragtag band of misfits. Dagna and Sera are also not allowed within a certain range/vicinity of the baby.)

F: (Aili would have to start wondering what all these coloured circles on the floor were for, and why Sera started swearing when she saw one and had to change directions.)

L: (XD  Oh no! Uthvir, you have to tell her! What if she steps on one?!)

F: (No, it's alright! They're totally safe for Aili, and the baby. And Ina'then. They're all fine! :3)

L: (I don't even have to ask if Solas is allowed to touch the baby, Uthvir probably doesn't even want them in the same room together.)

F: (Nope! Solas is not even allowed to *look* at the baby. Or go near it in the Fade. No touching!)

L: (To be fair, Solas probably doesn't trust himself around the kid either. Looking at Aili and Jr being all sweet and happy would probably induce a one-way ticket to guilt town.)

F: (This is true! So they'd be in agreement. Uthvir would be like 'stay away from my family!' and Solas would be like 'yes definitely' and then Aili would probably spoil it by just walking over and dumping the baby into Solas' lap.)

L: (This is exactly what would happen. Aili would be like, "Hm, I need to sign these orders before they go out. Here you go, Solas, you are temporarily an Uncle, don't let them chew on the wolf jaw necklace please.")

Solas: *internal screaming*

Baby: *immediately starts trying to chew on wolf jaw necklace, because of course*

F: (Man, though, that baby would be so cute. No way around it. I mean most babies would be cute, but it'd probably just be an exceptional bundle of otherworldly adorableness.)

L: (Most definitely! It would be all small and delicate boned, with intelligent eyes and a mop of unruly hair. And OMG the lil pointy elf ears!)

F: (Li'l baby points sticking out from all those (probably blondie) curls, omg! X3 Just looking up at Solas like 'why do you want to destroy my future, Uncle Solas?’)

L: (And just to spite everyone, the kid INSTANTLY takes to Solas. Like hypnotized by his voice or something, so when they are being super fussy and Aili is having a hard time getting them to sleep she is just like, "omg, PLEASE talk to them about the Fade." And then BOOM, baby naps 2 minutes later. XD)

F: (Uthvir is just hissing, like 'of course it puts the baby to sleep listening to him drone on and on would put /anyone/ to sleep, also what if he causes brain damage?? I would not be surprised' but they have, at this point, managed to establish themselves as The Overly Suspicious Parent, so everything they say on this topic is taken with a grain of salt.)

L: (Aili would be like, "don't worry, Vhenan, baby still loves you better than Solas. I just want to actually sleep sometime tonight.")

Uthivr: Of course the baby loves me better than Solas, it is my baby! Not his! Mine! *hissing angrily while baby continues to nap contentedly*

Aili: *Pets their hair and coos at them* No one was contesting that, my love.

Uthvir: *pretends that they are not so easily pacified; they totally are, though, with sleepy baby and tired wife and no Solas around anymore* ...Well. Good.

L: (Meanwhile Solas is just hunkered down in his room under a pile of blankets like "I hate my life")

Solas: Why did she have to be so... And why did she marry that murderous psychopath? And Why did they decide to have a child? And WHY does the child like me?! AND WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE?! WHY WHY WHY?

F: (Because destroying the world is wrong, Solas! You know that! Even Uthvir knows that! You sit in your lonely blanket mountain and think about things. Re-evaluate. Focus on giggly babies who deserve futures!)

L: (XD Yes, Solas. Please do not release crazy Andruil. Or burn the world down. Think of the cute baby.)

* * *

F: (Oh god. Parent!Uthvir. What even.... pffft... yeah, good luck on that front.)

L: (THEY WOULD BE HILARIOUS AS A PARENT)

F: (I CANNOT DECIDE IF THEY WOULD BE THE MOST OVER-PROTECTIVE PARENT EVER OR IF THEY WOULD TEACH THEIR KID TO SWIM BY DROPPING THEM IN THE OCEAN)

L: (BOTH)

F: (...Drops the kid in the ocean, immediately dives in after it)

F: (Yeah, that seems... likely.)

L: (Well, I was thinking like, if someone else threatened the kid they are just DEAD. Instantly, no questions asked, but then they also want to take them to fight dragons and such and Aili is just like, "Vhenan...they're only three. No.")

F: (Uthvir: "the sooner they start the easier it'll be once they get older!" Poor Aili would constantly be taking sharp things away from the kid.)

Aili: Stop giving our daughter knives! She keeps trying to stick it in her mouth and stabbing our guests. Neither of those are good things.

Uthvir: It's blunt. Look, she likes chewing on it! And how else is she going to practice stabbing people?

Aili: Even blunt blades shouldn't go in her mouth! She'll think it's alright to chew on the sharp ones. And worry about showing her how to stab things after she's at least gotten out of nappies.

Uthvir: If she's ever going to get ahead she needs to start now! Her life isn't going to be more than three hundred years, tops, Aili! She needs those knife skills!

Aili: I am significantly younger than three hundred, and I have managed to work out that you're supposed to poke someone with the pointy end. I think she has ample time to figure that out. For now, let’s worry about teaching her to talk, where she is supposed to go to the bathroom, and not to take her pants off and run down the length of the great hall screaming that curse word you taught her.

Uthvir: That was adorable, though! And she had flawless pronunciation, which is what you *wanted* me to teach her. She knows more elven curse words than any other three-year-old in the world, I guarantee it.

Uthvir: *proud*

Aili: That...was not really what I meant when I asked you to teach her elven. *sighs* Though, I admit, I take a certain amount of pleasure in the fact that she keeps referring to Orlesian nobles as "Shitheads". And then they all coo at her about it. *snorts*

Uthvir: I know! It is spectacular. She told one of them to suck her cock the other day. *inordinately fond* Do you think she'll want to be an assassin when she grows up? I think we should make her an Empress.

Aili: *proud mom mode* I think she can be whatever she wants! She's amazing! ...but she probably still shouldn't chew on knives.

Uthvir: *sighs* I suppose you do have a point. How old do you think she should be before knife training begins, then? Five-ish?

Aili: Yes. Around five to start training, with BLUNTED weapons. As in, not sharp. You can start her on bows around then, too. She should know how to fight at various ranges before her magic manifests. If it does. I'm assuming it will, what with two mage parents, but sometimes it skips out.

Uthvir: Oh, she's a mage. Are you not a mage, my pointy little empress? Absolutely. You are going to crush all these insignificant creatures beneath your dainty heels. *coos*

Baby: *laughs and attempts to stab Uthvir*

Uthvir: *thrilled* Look at that! Trying to stab me! But you need to use the pointy end, da'vhenan.

Aili: *sighs* Sometimes I'm not sure I had anything to do with this child and you just figured out how to magically clone yourself.

Uthvir: Don't be ridiculous, she has your eyes. And I saw her petting a cat the other day. Just petting it, not trying to skin it or anything. *gently pries baby's fingers away from their mouth full of sharp, sharp teeth*

Uthvir: *makes playful biting motion that baby imitates*

Aili: I guess she does like the animals in the stables... Oh, come on, don't teach her to bite things. Half of the other children won't play with her as it is, after she bloodied that one boy who took her doll. The last thing I need is to deal with horrified parents whose children have had their fingers bitten off.

Uthvir: She doesn't have the teeth to do that yet. Look, they're just blunt little bitty things. Besides, it's important that the other children learn who the Alpha is. *nods decisively; baby nods, too, clearly just imitating everything Uthvir does*

Aili: *groans* I think you have a warped perception of what qualifies as 'sharp', Vhenan. *grins mischievously* Besides, we all know who the real Alpha is around here. *swoops in on the baby and begins blowing raspberries onto every bared section of skin she can find, making her squeal loudly*

Uthvir: *smirks* Alpha mamae? *They slide up behind her, wrapping their arms around her waist and humming a bit as she plays with the baby. Who is apparently fascinated by her mother's hair, and looks a lot more like her when she's giggling madly*

Aili: *pauses for a moment to look back at them and wink* And don't you forget it.

Uthvir: *nips her ear* Never.


End file.
